Daily Archives: 13 August 2013

Trouble is Brewing…

Rover 2000

The Butter Churn Bandits Strike!

Bloody Butter Cow

For the love of all that is creamy and fattening, is nothing sacred anymore?

The Butter Cow at the Iowa State Fair was vandalized over the weekend. An animal rights group, Iowans for Animal Liberation, hid in the 1904 Agricultural Building until after the fair closed, broke into the Butter Cow’s refrigerated crypt, and poured red paint over the 600 pound cow, which has been a part of the fair since 1911. “Freedom for all” was left painted in large red letters on the glass to the tomb.

Rumor has it that the butter statue of Abe Lincoln had its beard shaved off, and the butter road map of the Lincoln Highway was rerouted from Lubbuck, Texas to Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, but Fair officials refused to comment any further. An unidentified source within the Iowa State Troopers office stated that it is believed that the culprits have “spread across the border to Moose Jaw”, and the map is an obvious “taunt at the police”.

Oddly enough, the Crisco Pig, which was also in the crypt with Butter Abe & Butter Cow, was left untouched by IAL.

The butter for the cow is reused for 10 years, at which time it is believed that officials of the Cracker Barrel and Perkins Restaurant chains arm wrestle for it on the Midway. Tickets for this prestigious, once in a decade show are $10 per person.

Sadly, Betsy the Real Cow from Fairfield, Iowa, passed away after giving the milk that went into the making of the additional 100 pounds of butter that Fair crews used to repair the Butter Cow. Representatives of Iowans for Animal Liberation called Betsy’s demise “Unfortunate. But we always knew that collateral damage was inevitable.”

When asked where the Butter Cow’s security detail was on Saturday night, Iowa State Fair officials sheepishly admitted that “they were in Knoxville watching Donny Schatz come back from the 21st slot to win his seventh Knoxville Nationals”.

Photo surprisingly enough, is courtesy of Iowans for Animal Liberation.

The Macallans were kind enough to contribute to the story.