She Stood in the Doorway With Lust in Her Eyes

I was almost finished with the morning chores. All of the animals had been watered and fed. I went back to the chicken coop to retrieve the morning eggs. I was at the far end of the coop, with several eggs in hand, when there was a loud “BANG” and the door swung open.

There in the doorway stood a four month old Chesapeake Bay Retriever. Her eyes gleamed with lust; she had just won the Canine Lottery. I yelled for her to stay, which she did for a very brief moment in time. Although, I knew in the end, the clucking of the oddly colored, and slow moving grouse-like creatures would be too much for her.

Everyone froze into complete stillness for that split nanosecond: chickens stared into the eyes of the retriever, the dog stared back with a wolf-like grin spread across its muzzle, and I sat on my haunches at the farthest point of the room with my cupped hands full of fresh eggs as I took in the entire doomed scene. Then hell broke loose in the form of a brown, curly-haired blur of fur. Birds were everywhere. I dropped the eggs and tried to make my way past the wall of feathers. It seemed that the birds suddenly realized that I was the lesser of the two evils in the room, and they rushed towards me. I felt like I was in a twisted, remake of the classic Hitchcock film. The dog raced about in utter joy, flushing birds to the left, and then flushing them to the right … just like she had been taught. It was feathery pandemonium, and it was ugly.

A hen made it to the door and to freedom. It was the prize layer of the flock; the Mother of many breakfasts. I groaned as the Chesapeake followed her out, and saw that she was on the chicken’s tail feathers immediately. I imagined blood spraying out onto the virgin snow.

I rushed out and saw the dog do me a wonderfully, huge favor, which at this point, I thought she certainly owed me. She chased the runaway chicken into her fenced area, and the bird promptly ran into the doghouse. Then the dog sat down in the snow and looked up at me with a look that asked, “Did I do good, huh? Did I do good?” I have never wanted to beat a dog so badly in all my life, and at the same time I was so damn proud of her. I made a mental note, that having chickens on the same property as a bird dog may not be a good idea.

I reached into the doghouse and brought out the traumatized hen and returned her to the coop. After locking up the dog, I went back to the chicken coop to get the eggs. A female turkey came over and laid down. She’s a gentle thing and enjoys sitting on people’s laps. I stroked her back and apologized for the rude intrusion. She seemed to understand, maybe I will get an egg from her tomorrow. The chickens, on the other hand, gave me looks of pure evil. They wanted me to pay; you could see it in their eyes. Those hate filled eyes.

Collecting eggs will never be the same. For any of us…